


Being a Record of the Lies We Told

by wonder_womans_ex



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Many of them, Non-Linear Narrative, Not Canon Compliant, POV Switches, and then I'll probably mush them together into one large chapter, because canon can die in a hole, because what the fuck even is a timeline, it's going to be long, with lots of chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:54:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27196774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonder_womans_ex/pseuds/wonder_womans_ex
Summary: If we don't talk about it, it never happened.That's the approach Remus Lupin and Sirius Black have always taken in regards to their night together. 'Just a one-time thing,' they said, afterwards. 'It was fun and all, but we're better off as friends,' they said. 'I don't like you and you don't like me, so we'll forget about it.'But when Remus finds out something interesting about the mating habits of werewolves... well.They may just have to reevaluate.~~~UPDATES ONCE LIKE EVERY SIX MONTHS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 19





	1. A Disclaimer of Sorts

It was Sirius's fault, okay? Not Remus's, not Wormy's, and not mine. (Peter and I weren't even involved, no matter what the others say. They got themselves into it, and I got them out. So there.)

I think it happened sometime in sixth year, but I didn't find out about it until seventh, when Remus barged into the dorm from his date with Emmeline Vance looking decidedly angry. Even then, it took me almost two years to piece it all together. 

The two of them had always been different. I'm not sure why I was surprised at any of it. But honestly, how could I have been expected to guess? It's not like either ever said anything. 

So keep reading if you want. I even encourage it. Maybe you'll make more sense of it than I did. But it's not a happy story—not by far—and I'm taking a risk by telling you. See, there are secrets written here I wish I didn't know. Secrets I _shouldn't_ know. 

And neither should you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this isn't really a chapter (as you've probably guessed); it's just a sort of summary that I'm only publishing so that I don't lose the draft for the ACTUAL first chapter once the month is up.
> 
> feel free to yell at me on tumblr: [wonder-womans-ex](https://wonder-womans-ex.tumblr.com/)
> 
> asks are always open :)


	2. It Started When We Did

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Narration: Remus Lupin 
> 
> Location: Gryffindor Tower, seventh-year boys' dorm
> 
> Time: Sunday, 16th October, 1977, 5pm (7 months, 14 days post-Occurrence)
> 
> Warning: Authorized personnel only. Document not available for public access.

I slam the door behind me. _Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck._ This is worse than I thought. I'd wondered why I'd never thought about anyone else in that way, but never in a million years had I imagined it would be anything like _this._

Sirius looks up, as do James and Peter. I glance between the latter, trying not to give anything away. Sirius can't know about this.

"What's wrong, Moony?" James's voice is halfway between worried and teasing. 

"None of your business."

"Well, something's got your knickers in a twist. How's Emmeline?"

The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. "I cut things off with her."

"What? Why?" 

"None," I tell them firmly, "Of your business." 

"Moony." It's not a question, and I feel my willpower dissipate. I never could say no to Sirius, now more than ever. 

"She... she kissed me."

I see the three of them trade confused looks. "And? Isn't that a good thing?"

"It hurt."

"What do you mean, it hurt?" Peter asks. "Did she bite you or something?"

In some other context, I would laugh. I'm not laughing now. 

"No. It... it felt like a stinging hex. Sort of burning, but not hot."

"Do you know why?"

"I'm getting to that. She kind of left when I yelped and jumped away, so I went to library to try and find stuff out. The restricted section."

I pause for a second, and watch them figure it out. "Wait," James says finally. "So it's a werewolf thing?"

"Yes, Prongs. A werewolf thing."

Sirius furrows his brow. "But nothing like that happened when..."

I know what he's talking about already, and I'm thankful he doesn't finish. I don't need Prongs and Wormtail knowing about _it_ _._ "I'm getting to that. Have any of you heard of _Lycanthopy: The Insider's Guide_ by Sean Marden?"

Peter nods. James and Sirius both shake their heads. 

"It's the most scientifically accurate book ever written about werewolves. It focuses on the disease itself and its effects on werewolves, as opposed to how to kill us." I know they're still surprised at how matter-of-factly I say it—surprised at how okay I am with the knowledge that most of wizardkind wants me dead. "And according to page six of chapter three, _Interpersonal Relations,_ werewolves mate for life."

I watch their reactions closely—Prongs seems to get it, studying me as if he's trying to figure out who it is I've shagged just by watching me. Peter takes a moment, but then his eyes widen. 

Sirius freezes, then stands up abruptly to go. Not really surprising, but he could have at least acknowledged me. Actually, on second thought, no. He couldn't. I wouldn't've been able to if were I in his place, anyway. 

Fuck, I feel horrible about this. I hadn't meant to tell him at all, really. I sort of figured that I'd just go through life with anyone knowing, and he'd fall in love with some girl and I'd feel like shit but we'd be _fine._ Very deeply fine. 

This is anything but fine. 

Peter and James stare after him when he slams the door. They both seem to be in a state of perpetual shock; I can't blame them. 

"So, uh," Prongs says finally, looking at me skeptically, "You gonna tell us what that was all about, or do we have to guess?"

I stay silent until Peter chimes in, too. "You don't have to tell us if you don't want— ow!" 

James nudges him sharply. "Don't listen to Petey, Remus. He just doesn't want to hear the juicy details about your torrid romance with Sirius." He winks exaggeratedly, and I fight back a laugh. If only he knew.

"I'm not actually sure," I lie, "I think he's just put out that I didn't tell him. He always goes on and on about his various conquests, probably hoped I'd do the same." Conveniently, I happen to leave out the part about how I feel like shit every time he describes some grope in a broom closet or another. I don't understand that part myself quite yet, but I suspect whatever this is has something to do with it. 

It's Peter, surprisingly, who speaks first—he lightly hits my shoulder and smiles, though it seems somewhat forced. "Well, he'll get over it eventually." 

"Yeah. Yeah, he will." 

But he won't. Not really. 

I clear my throat. "Well, boys, scintillating conversation, but I really have to..." 

James nods when I gesture vaguely. "Yeah, sure. We won't keep you." 

My shoelaces are untied—I don't notice until I almost fall down the stairs. Maybe it would be for the better if I did; I'd never have to have that inevitable (read, awkward) conversation with Sirius if I break my neck, would I? 

Actually, never mind. If anyone can find a way to commune with the dead, it's him. 

"Well, someone's in a mood," the Fat Lady comments as I stomp through the portrait hole, and I flip her two fingers. I certainly am in a mood; I don't need a painting to tell me _that_. 

I think I'm on my way to the library. It's where I go where I want some peace and quiet—after all, none of the other Marauders would dare step foot there—and right now other people are the last thing I need. It's usually deserted this time, except for Madam Pince. (James thinks she lives there.) (She actually might, if we're being completely honest.) 

It feels shitty, lying to James and Peter. This is exactly the kind of thing I wish I could talk to them about. But Sirius doesn't want them to know—or so I assume, as neither of us have actually bothered to bring it up in conversation. Why would we? It was just a stupid mistake. I feel lucky it didn't ruin our friendship, and I leave it at that. 

But now this. 

Barely three pages into _Pride and Prejudice_ I slump down on the table. I can't do this. I can't read about people falling in love against all odds when somewhere in this castle Sirius Black is probably regretting becoming my friend in the first place. Regretting sleeping with me, for sure. I would too, if I were him. I almost regret it now. 

Somehow, though, I don't. 

If I'm going to be tied down to one person for the rest of my life—the fact that he'll be spending that life in other people's beds notwithstanding—it might as well be him. At least that means he won't try and set me up with someone else. I hate it when James does that. 

And if I _do_ fall in love with someone? I guess I just won't have sex with them. Simple. Easy. 

So why does this all feel so wrong? 


	3. A Battle of Wits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Narration: Peter Pettigrew
> 
> Location: London, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin's flat
> 
> Time: Wednesday, 25th March, 1981, 9pm (4 years, 23 days post-Occurrence)
> 
> Warning: Document status: stolen. Document may contain fraudulent information.

"It's not like you ever cared! Not really!" Sirius is shouting, tears streaming down his face. 

_"I_ never cared? You were the one who said you wanted out!"

"You were the one who cheated!"

Remus's voice goes cold and quiet. He's angry, now, far more than I've seen him in a long time. "May I remind you that that's impossible? Both scientifically—you do remember the reason you suggested this... arrangement in the first place?—and morally, seeing as we were _never in a relationship."_

"You're lying to yourself."

"Believe me, if I _could_ lie about something like this, I would."

"In what world was what we had not a relationship?"

"The world in which you spend more time in other people's beds than you do in either of ours. The world where I can't go ten minutes without you demanding where I've been, as if it matters to you. The world in which _I love you_ and _thank you for letting me use you_ are interchangeable. _This world."_

"I never—"

"Sure you didn't."

"You don't understand—"

"No, you don't. Do I really have to spell it out for you? I'm leaving, Sirius Black, and I'll be damned if I let you hurt me again." 

All in one moment, Remus disapparates, Sirius throws his wine glass at the wall, and my Dark Mark starts to burn. 


End file.
